Complaining and Timeline

Okay, I’m just here to complain for a bit. I’m sorry. I know I should just be ecstatic all the time and enjoying all of this, but I am about to break from the strain.

I’m 14 weeks now, and I’ve lost 35 pounds to morning sickness. I can’t eat, if I do I puke. And if by some miracle I can keep anything down, I immediately (TMI) have horrendous diarrhea, so I lose it no matter what. I’m too weak to stand or sit up for long or do much. I swear my other pregnancies weren’t this difficult. I have a near constant headache, and my hips are already causing me a lot of pain when I try to lie down or relax.

I saw the doctor this week and he threatened to send me to the hospital if I can’t turn the weight loss around, but honestly, what does he think I can do about it? I’m already trying. It’s not like I enjoy puking. Also what is up with puking so hard that you pee your pants? Anyone? LOL. Seriously with this.

And really, I think I could handle all of this much better, but it just really doesn’t feel real yet. I just can’t wrap my mind around the fact that I’m pregnant. I’m trying to, I’m trying to be hopeful and think of all the good things that can happen. But I dream almost every night about the baby dying. I hold my breath at every appointment, just waiting for them to tell me there isn’t a heartbeat anymore. Don’t get me wrong, I want this baby!!! So much, too much. But I just can’t really believe it’s going to happen. I’m still waiting for something awful to happen. And I’m trying to get over it, but I just can’t really get there. Starting to wonder if I have ptsd or something. LOL. Seriously, I could handle the crap of the pregnancy if I really felt I were getting a baby out of it… but it’s just too much for me to believe right now.

I’ve gotten a bit better. I can eat one thing consistently… steak. Yep. I’m always craving steak and I can always eat it and keep it down… but that’s pretty expensive and inconvenient. So, no idea what to do. I can’t just eat steak 3 times a day. But I also can’t go on losing weight like this or he’ll stick me in the hospital. Anyway, I’m just feeling really defeated and sorry for myself. I need to get over it.

And just for future reference, here’s my timeline…

1dpo started nausea, which continued until… well it’s still here. It never went away, just got worse.

About 12dpo I started spotting daily. Not tons, but consistent.

About 14dpo I had extreme back and pelvic girdle pain, to the point where I couldn’t walk or sit. That continued for several days.

About 17dpo the extreme pain morphed into a great deal of discomfort, but something that could be handled by ibuprofen. I didn’t take any ibuprofen because I hadn’t had AF yet, but it would’ve been enough to tackle that amount of pain/discomfort.

About 21 dpo, I got an unexpected BFP when I decided to test to make sure I was safe to take ibuprofen for the pain. Same day doc appointment found the heartbeat, although it was a little slow. Measured 5 weeks 5 days. I think the spotting stopped just before this? Maybe 19 or 20 dpo? I can’t remember for sure.

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