Yeah… Um. That was unexpected. I’m not sure how I feel right now. I think I’m just in shock. I was so sure it was another BFN. In fact, I told myself that I was crazy the whole time I POAS this morning. But I knew I was late for AF, how late I’m really not sure because I have pcos and AF happens whenever she wants. But for sure late, and nauseated and a few things that had me wondering… but I’m also spotting and bleeding a little for the last week or more… so I was sure AF was just taking her sweet time.
I’m really excited and happy and overwhelmed and scared to freaking death. I’m already bleeding. I don’t dare say anything to anyone because if it ends badly, I just don’t want have to face that. Also it totally doesn’t seem real. Are we sure I’m not hallucinating? I have proof… my pee was magical this morning, it made that second line appear like magic. LOL. I’m ready to laugh and cry and shout for joy and curl in a ball and cry because oh my word I don’t know if this baby is going to make it through my uterus. I wish I were a normal person who could just be excited and hopeful and confident that everything will be fine. But I’ve lost so many pregnancies. I just don’t know. I’m already bleeding. Not huge, more like spotting, but it’s a lot for spotting and it’s constant.
We have new insurance this year and I now need a referral in order to even go and see my OB, or it’s out of pocket. So as soon as the doctor’s office opens, I’ll be calling. I need some blood work. I need to know what’s going on and how far along I am. And if I’m far enough along to look for a heartbeat. So many thoughts. So many worries. So many emotions. I am grateful and this is a miracle. I just really want this baby to survive. And I have absolutely zero control over that. I just need to hear a heartbeat to believe it’s real.
Here’s what I know for sure. My last period was May 23rd. I think I remember ovulating (EWCM and such, but no test to prove it) around Father’s Day, so June 21 give or take a few days either way. Which would mean the doctor would count my last period at 2 weeks before that, so say around June 7th??? Gah, so many unknowns. Why wasn’t I charting? But if that’s accurate then I’d be about 5 weeks along??? Probably no chance for a heartbeat yet.
Anyway, my “normal” doctor has to refer me to the OB through the insurance in order for them to pay for anything, and his staff is complete crap about getting that done. The last time we needed a referral, it took me a month of on the phone and checking up and calling back and forth to get it done… and even at that I had to pitch a fit and complain to the office manager. So, please pray that they can actually decide to send the referral quickly this time. I really need to get in and find out what’s going on.