Oh where does the time go? I can’t believe how difficult it’s been for me to blog lately. I’ve been really, really ill since the miscarriage. My autoimmune disease is out of control and I’m just scraping by. Plus starting up with homeschool again, and just normal life… well, those are my excuses. LOL.
So here are a few updates. My best friend from high school was just widowed unexpectedly last week. Her husband of almost 20 years passed away in his sleep. They think it must have been a stroke. He didn’t struggle or suffer, he just didn’t wake up. She still has 5 kids at home, she only has a high school education, and she’s been a stay at home mom the entire time they’ve been married. My heart is just broken for her in so many ways. I can’t even imagine. But to have to pick up the pieces like that… and to have to worry about financially supporting that family… Ugh. All I can do is pray for her. There’s a memorial fund set up to try and help them, and I’ll give what I can, but I just wish I could do more. I wish she didn’t have to face all of this. That somehow I could help her in a real and meaningful way… not just keep bombarding her with food and hugs. Although, at least she gets those.
And my autoimmune has been having a party all summer. Totally flared up and can’t get it back under control. One thing that I get frequently during a flare up is eye symptoms… red, feel like something is in my eye, blurry vision, blisters, and ulcers…. but every time I call to see an eye doc for it, the symptoms disappear before my appointment. But since it has been such a bad summer, I figured I’d try again. I had an appointment with an eye doctor this morning… and of course, all of my eye symptoms vanished overnight, just in time to NOT be there for him to see. *sigh* But he listened and he did some tests. First thing, whatever it is, so far it isn’t causing lasting damage… just really unpleasant when it’s there. Good to know that, makes me feel much better!
But he did one test, a Schirmer test???, anyway he sticks some little papers in my eyelids and sees how much liquid they absorb. Normal is 10 and above. My score was below 5, which is really abnormally low. And because of my history with autoimmune disease, and because my symptoms generally coincide with a flare up from that disease… he thinks I’m a good candidate for having Sjogren’s. I guess it’s yet another autoimmune disease (yay!) that attacks the parts of your body that make fluid. So dry eyes, dry mouth, etc. But can also affect your other organs and is a pretty big deal… though thankfully not as bad as lupus or RA. I’d never heard of this one, so I came home and surfed the web for a while… and yep… I’m a dead ringer for it. In fact, my dad was a dead ringer for it. Huh. Anyway, I’m trying to decide if I should even go and get tested for it. I hate doctors. And I hate feeling like they’re rolling their eyes as soon as I bring up autoimmune and any desire for further testing. Also, there isn’t a cure and there isn’t much to be done. Manage symptoms (which i’m already doing), and immunosuppressant drugs and steroid… neither of which would I be willing to take until/unless things got way worse. So what’s the benefit of going in again? Oh yeah, just having another name to throw around… although this is a “bigger” name, so maybe I’d get less eye rolling at the doctor’s office when I brought it up? Is that worth it??? Meh. I can’t really decide.
Also, I’m having crazy AF stuff. I had a crazy heavy period just about 2 weeks ago. And now I’m having constant cramping, back cramping, and significant spotting. People, I don’t even know if I’ve ovulated yet. I shouldn’t be having a period yet! It’s way too soon. Ugh. This crazy body. The only good thing about pcos is that you hardly ever have to deal with the old AF hag… I am so not happy about extra bleeding just for fun. Blergh. I’m still not sure where I am emotionally on this one. I still want to believe it “could happen” yet I’m painfully aware of the “medical reality” of the situation. Basically I’m in limbo. I don’t even know what I want, or what to pray for, or what to hope for… just gliding along and hoping to figure it out. Perhaps my little ute is trying to figure it out as well, and that’s why she’s spotting and cramping just for the hell of it right now.
Yeah, anyway. I will try to be better at blogging again. Just like I promise every few months. LOL. At least I’ll try to catch up on my reading. 🙂