So Much To Say

You’d think all this stress would get easier to deal with… like I’d get used to it or something… yeah, no. LOL.

So bloodwork today, the hcg is at 1399.2… so that’s not quite as high as it should be, but isn’t too far off so I think it’s fine.

Ultrasound today, and we still couldn’t see anything. Well, there was one darkish circle in the uterus that he said “could be” the beginning of the egg sac, but that it was too early to see for sure. Not to count on it, but that it gave him hope. Be still my heart! Flying for a second, until he gets serious and says…

“We’re getting to a very scary time now.” And proceeds to tell me how much of a risk it is to continue to move forward like this. If there’s no egg in the uterus, then that means it’s in the fallopian tubes. I guess you can’t see that on ultrasound at all… unless they rupture first. And by the time the egg is big enough to see on ultrasound, it’s also big enough to rupture a tube. I knew all this, but I still hate to hear it. Watch for signs of problems, bleeding or pain… pain go straight to ER. Then he says, “So what do you do all day?” Um… what? “Are you alone all day?” …. Well I’m with my kids…. “I see… you should have your husband check up on you several times a day then… Most of the time with ectopic you have several minutes where you’re conscious and in extreme pain with a rupture, and would be able to call for help… but it also happens where you just pass out and die with no warning.” … *gulp* Um, excuse me??? (He said it nicer than that, I just can’t remember the PC version of saying “pass out and die in front of your kids with nobody there to help.” Can’t think of a nice way to say that actually.  But it’s good to know. I’d rather he tell me so I can make arrangements. I can’t even fathom risking my children being home alone with my dead body and not knowing what to do, not for any length of time. So basically, I won’t be alone anymore for the next week…. until the next ultrasound, when we’ll hopefully know for sure, one way or the other. My husband is taking the rest of this week off, and then my mom (who lives in the basement) will be here for Monday through Wednesday of next week, and she’s just going to sit upstairs all day and do her thing… just keeping an eye out for me. So hopefully the ultrasound is by Wednesday, or husband will have to take off more work for Thursday/Friday.  Oh also he took my blood type for “just in case we need to give you an emergency transfusion, we’ll be prepared.” Yeah, as if I was worried that he wasn’t taking this seriously. Sheesh.

Also, I just started bleeding. Not hard bleeding, but steady and bright red. Enough that I should probably put on a liner. We’re hoping it’s just from the exam and the ultrasound wand… but watching closely and anxiously.

Oh and I’m already starting to retain water. Ruh-roh. Swollen feet already??? What the crap? Maybe it’s a side effect of being on such a high dose of progesterone? Yeah, that’s another story. The pharmacist didn’t want to give me the progesterone.It was a several hour struggle that ended in her giving me only 1/4 of the dose prescribed. She called me about 10 times and called him (at home!) 3 or 4 times. It was really ugly actually and she tried to refuse entirely to give me any at all, but in the end gave me a little and said my doctor agreed with her that she was right and he was wrong… after 4 phone calls to the contrary. So the next day I called the doctor’s office and they just about had a come apart. They started off by proclaiming, “That woman is an awful liar!” Apparently he never authorized her to change the prescription in any way. In fact every time she called him, he told her to “dispense as written” and she tried to argue with him to change his mind, but he never did. She decided to change in ON HER OWN, knowing it was against his wishes… she dropped my dose to 1/4 of the strength he prescribed. WTF! Seriously, that can’t even be legal. That’s down right dangerous! She’s not a doctor, doesn’t know my medical history, and has no right to mess with my prescription like that. The doctor’s office called and pitched a major fit and I now have the correct prescription… but I wonder what will happen to her. Will she be fired, put on probation, called to review her license to practice pharmacology? I don’t want anything bad to happen to her, she probably has a family to support and it makes me sad to think that her world is probably crashing down around her right now. I worry for her… but I also think it’s beyond irresponsible to do what she did. I think it’s beyond dangerous and probably illegal… and she shouldn’t get away with it because if she gets into this habit she will end up killing someone. But it’s still a sad, awful situation.

Anyway, that’s all my updates for now. If my bloodwork doubles on Saturday, I probably won’t write about it… I’ll only write if something goes wrong. Monday’s results are when we’ll have more of a plan… so if all goes well I won’t update until Monday. 🙂

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