I’m trying to be good. You know, I need to lose weight pretty badly. Whether or not I get pregnant from this last fertility treatment… either way, I need to lose weight and start being more healthy. I’ve tried a lot of different things, and nothing has really worked. So for the last several months I have just given up altogether. Especially while doing the fertility treatments, it just seemed like too much… injections, hormones, emotions, and dieting… ugh. So I just jumped right off that old “healthy eating” wagon and submerged into the bliss of junk food. Yeah, not the smartest idea ever. And now I’m trying to dig my way back out. (I haven’t been a complete hedonist, just I’ve indulged more than I would normally allow myself and I stopped exercising.) 

If I do get pregnant, I won’t go on a big diet… but I still want to get back to eating healthy all the time… cutting out sugar, increasing water, more veggies, less crap… you know… boring eating. LOL. But if this last treatment didn’t work, if I’m not pregnant, then I’m going to go whole hog into some crazy ass diet to try and anorexia myself into fertility. Yep. Either way, I need to start breaking the shackles of my sugar addiction now. And it is so hard! 

Right now, this very second, I am fighting a killer craving for something… anything… sugary. Mainly something cake-like. Cinnamon rolls, iced sugar cookies, anything. So I decide to be all “good” and cut an apple and have a couple slices of cheese with it. Sweet and a little protein, right? Yeah, but I’m also retarded and get on because I’m bored and don’t want to clean the house. Right there on my screen is a link to the recipe for the BEST sugar cookies in the history of the world. Seriously I dream about those darn cookies. It’s from a little family owned bakery which is just over an hour away… driving at 70mph. The sugar cookie with the glaze, not the butter cream (although that’s good as well, of course). We used to get these all the time when I worked at a doctor’s office… we had offices in a few different cities, so as we’d travel around, we’d pick up the best crap food everywhere… and these were the best. I haven’t had one since before I got married, almost 9 years ago. Yet, seeing that picture and that recipe… I’m drooling!!! Ugh. I’m not driving up there for freaking cookies, and if I give in and make them here then I’ll eat the entire batch… instead of just buying 1 cookie… plus I’m out of almond extract. Oh my gosh, killer craving. Maybe I’ll distract myself by getting on the treadmill… poo… I’d rather have a cookie. 

And just so you can all suffer with me…


2 thoughts on “Sugar

  1. I feel your pain. As you know, I was successfully dieting last year and then the weight came back on and then some. It was justifiable, and worth it, sure. But I think I’ve been staying steady at the same weight for 3 months now. (At my original pre-diet weight.) And I have turned BACK into a major sugar addict. If I somehow manage to not bake up a treat, my husband will. And the other day my 10 year old decided he wanted to make some cookies because Dad and Mom had eaten too much of the previous batch and not left enough for him. It is bad, I tell you – BAD.

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