Seriously, I don’t know what is wrong with me. LOL. I can’t ever keep my big mouth shut.
We did the insemination yesterday. It went well, nowhere near as painful as last time. Still lots of bleeding afterward though… and lots of severe cramping… still cramping a day later. Not normal AF cramps, more like pre-labor fakey contraction cramps… squeeze and hold and squeeze a little tighter. I haven’t had this before, so I’m hoping it’s a good sign? Also I’m seriously hormonal and angry pants, crazy irritable psycho lady over here. I could punch someone… anyone, it doesn’t matter… for any reason, that doesn’t matter either. I just want to rage and storm and punch things. I want to scream and swear and bash my head in. LOL. Wow. I’m crazy this cycle. I hope these hormones level out quickly because I’m going over the edge. Not even chocolate has helped me this time… which is almost unheard of. 🙂
So back to my big mouth… with all these hormones and craziness going on, I see a news story about a fertility clinic that had an employee intentionally replace the husband’s sperm with his own on an unknown number of couples. And the facility is saying that since it was so long ago, and since the knowledge of that happening could be so sad for those affected… that they aren’t even going to TRY to contact anyone who might have had this happen to them. Me = blood boiling. Storming and raging and yelling at the computer as I read the article. Complete psycho. It touched a nerve in a big way, on the absolute worst day for it. So dumb me, I post it on FB along with a diatribe about why it bugs me.
I’m not a secretive person. I try to be really open with everything. It’s no secret that I have infertility, or that I’m in fertility treatments… but I’ve never done anything like this before… it felt like coming out of the closet or something. LOL. I don’t regret it. I’m not ashamed of infertility or afraid of telling people… what I am worried about is follow up questions. This is our last try… and whether or not it works, I don’t want lots of people asking if it worked or not. If I’m pregnant, then I want to wait until I’m sure it’s viable before announcing. If I’m not pregnant, I don’t want to have to tell every Tom Dick and Harry that I’m friends with on FB about how we failed and are done trying. Ugh. Why can’t I keep my trap shut? The conversation quickly went there… and I went along with it because I felt this defiant sort of “why should I hide it?” And “other people are going through this, maybe it will help someone else who’s going through it to see that they’re not alone.” And yet here I am, wishing I hadn’t said anything at all. Gah. I have such a big freaking mouth.