AF… Is that you???

So I started bleeding again today… but this time I’m bleeding, not spotting. The RE’s office just said, “it can wait until your ultrasound appointment tomorrow. Sorry for any inconvenience.” Um, yeah… So I don’t imagine this is good news. Pretty much, I’m calling this AF. Right in the middle of HUGE daily doses of hormones which should make it impossible. I mean, I’m actually having to wear a tampon… not super heavy flow, but about what I’d expect on CD1 anyway. 

I guess it still *could be* something else. A ruptured cyst or something… even though I don’t have any to rupture and have been having ultrasounds every other day, so I think we would’ve seen it. Or it could be cervical irritation from all the ultrasounds, but this is a lot of blood for just cervical irritation. So I’m bracing for the worst. Pretty geared up for my ultrasound in the morning… waiting to hear that this cycle is a bust. I just don’t know what the next step is.

Will they let me start again immediately? You’re supposed to start all these meds on CD3… which would be Saturday, starting over from scratch. Or will they say that my body needs a break from the massive amounts of hormones for a few weeks first? I have no idea. And my 2 sentence message from their office is giving me no hope and no clues. 

I cried for a while, but pulled myself together. I’m trying to still have faith and hope. We are doing everything possible, everything in our power. This is in the Lord’s hands now. And like David said before facing Goliath, “the battle is not mine but the Lord’s.” So if this is what is happening, then it is because it’s His will, and it is what is best. I’m trying to accept it and move forward with an open heart. Of course I’m disappointed, but this isn’t over. We still have 3 more cycles of trying with iui… at that point, it will be over. Hopefully we never have to face that. 


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