Okay, I am significantly more calm now. Or at least I’ve successfully repressed most of the crazy. 🙂 And thank you to everyone who has reached out to me. It really means a lot to have support through this.
For right now we have decided to move forward… both toward adoption and toward “the next step” in fertility treatments… either IVF or injections with IUI… We won’t have money to do both. But we are wanting to give both options very serious consideration… then hopefully know what to do or how to decide. Hubby and I are united in heart, like we are both open to either possibility and are not arguing at all… but we are divided in mind. Here’s the breakdown of our discussions so far. (Again, none of it with frustration or anger, just we are trying to decide and won’t move forward with either option until both of us feel like it is the “right” thing.)
I don’t have anything against adoption. In fact I would seriously love to do it one day. The big complication for doing it right now is that we can’t afford to do both at the same time. And I’m at high risk for early menopause and have been having some symptoms that way. Could we get pregnant on our own, without fertility treatments? Perhaps. I mean it’s not impossible, even though the doctors say it is, lol. But it is not very likely. If we are going to do some drastic fertility treatment, now is the time. Or at least if we put it off, we will likely miss any window of opportunity. Which means that since we can’t afford both, for me it is really one or the other at this point. Either adoption or fertility treatments. I just can’t do both. I can’t afford it.
So I’m coming from the point of view that “it’s now or never” for fertility treatments. I just feel like the expiration date on my uterus is coming up rather quickly… and there is no expiration date on adoption. I guess maybe they wouldn’t let an 80 year old adopt a baby, but you know for now… time is running out for a pregnancy and we still have plenty of time for an adoption. And I guess that is why I feel so strongly that if we choose to adopt at this point, that it will mean the end of all hoping and trying for a pregnancy… hence why I am struggling so much with the decision.
My husband is coming from the point of view that fertility treatments are very expensive and there is literally no guarantee that they will ever work. You could spend thousands of dollars every cycle trying to get pregnant, and end up with no baby and bankrupt. Whereas adoption through an agency is expensive but you will eventually get a baby that way. It’s sort of guaranteed. I mean it’s not that black and white, and specifics of how adoption selection works varies greatly depending on the agency you use, and blah blah blah… but basically adoption is more likely to guarantee a baby. He’s very practical and logical. Either we can take a gamble on fertility treatments, spending gobs of money with no guarantee… Or we can use the money toward an adoption and for sure get a baby.
I can see his point, and he can see my point. Neither of us are angry or frustrated. We are just very concerned that we make the “right” decision. So we are doing all our research, and pursuing both options fully, lots of fasting and prayer… and at some point we will have to make a decision. I am grateful to even be needing to make this decision. Just a year ago, heck even a few months ago, we wouldn’t have been able (financially) to even consider either option. We were sort of out of options. I’m grateful to have some type of intervention within reach again. It’s a significant blessing to me to even be in the position to struggle with these decisions.
Anyway, that’s the update for now. I’m sure I’ll be back to let you know what we decide and what we do… whenever we figure it out ourselves. 🙂