I’ve been gone for a while. Hubby got a monster chest cold, and then we passed it around the family for a few weeks. Breathing treatments and steroids to keep the little girl breathing. Fevers, chills, body aches, lost voices, even big white spots in our throats… but no strep. I’m telling you, we’ve been sick… and I’m SO glad to finally be getting better! So that’s where I’ve been… Now a few updates…
1. Hubby is still working crazy hours at work. I am so grateful that he is such a good man and a hard worker! But I wouldn’t be honest if I didn’t admit that I’d like to punch his boss in the face. Hubby is working between 10-20 hours of overtime every week, on top of doing mandatory training for an upcoming certification test (which is mandatory for his job, so they know about the hours he’s putting in, but he doesn’t get paid for them and they don’t count as work hours). Basically we never see him anymore. And it’s killing me, and it really hard on the kids. They miss him even more than I do, which is a lot. I’m trying to be supportive and not act all needy about it, but it’s starting to really weigh me down. There are days that I almost feel like I have full clinical depression about it/because of it. But I’m trying really hard to be positive and upbeat. I just hope it doesn’t last forever. But his boss is a total twat. He actually hold my husband that his 20-40 hours of overtime per pay period is “nothing” and isn’t good enough, and that he needs to be able to do more. Um excuse me? Seriously, the douchebag needs to be slapped. (If you don’t know, all this is because his company was just bought out by another and he has to get stuff done before the full merger happens… otherwise he won’t have a job anymore. He still might not have one when all is said and done… but if he doesn’t do all this OT right now, he will definitely lose his job. I officially hate this. lol.)\
2. I’m really struggling with ttc right now. I want another baby so badly that it causes me physical pain. I had to take my mom to the ER last week (she’s okay) and as we sat there, the overhead music played probably 5 times to announce a new birth. Each time she’d get all happy and excited and remark how wonderful it is that another baby was being born right that second. I tried to smile and act pleased… but it just about ripped my heart out every single time. So I’m debating going back on fertility treatment options… which I KNOW will screw up my fragile health. But really I’m that desperate. Ironically I’m also very close to just giving up altogether. Just because it’s torture. I don’t know how much more of this I can handle. I don’t know that I have a choice… but if I could just give up, make my peace with it… maybe it wouldn’t hurt so badly? Plus with hubby being gone so much it’s very difficult to find time to BD right now… and honestly when we get to, I don’t want to be caught up in the ttc world… I just want to appreciate that I actually have my husband with me. *sigh*
3. My big brother was in the tornado devastation today. He lost his home, his car, all his identification and bank information… everything. Everything but the clothes on his back. And after running, barefoot, through the rubble to help rescue people in his neighborhood who were trapped in their destroyed homes… he went back to the rubble of what used to be his house and was able to find 2 shoes, both for the same foot. So at least he has clothes and 2 mismatched shoes… and he has a place to stay tonight. I guess tomorrow he will start to figure out what to do now. It’s been an emotional day here… so far away from him, feeling so helpless and wishing I could help or at least KNOW what was going on. I am so grateful he’s okay!!! But I still want to be able to do something for him. At least get him some shoes. lol.
And I guess that’s it. A bit of a downer today, sorry. Tired and emotional from today, and a bit hormonal on top of it. Nothing that some chocolate and a good night’s sleep won’t fix anyway. 🙂