Updates

So we survived our first week of homeschool! LOL. Actually it wasn’t that bad. I was worried, but I think it will be wonderful.

Of course there will be an adjustment period. How do you strike the right balance between mommy and teacher; discipline and fun; “boring” and exciting (read “can’t we just color yet?”); and many other small issues like that.

My big boy had a few challenges, such as believing that mommy really had any authority to teach him. LOL. “But my teacher at school always let me do this…” As if that would trump my decision about finger painting on the carpet. 😉 And focus is an issue, but one that is to be expected. 6 year old boys are like little jumping beans and it’s hard for him to sit still and pay attention for too long. And actually that’s one really good thing about homeschool. I can adjust to his needs, keep him interested. If he gets all glossy eyed, I can stop and find a way to get him engaged again… or take a 5 minute “run around and be crazy” break. 🙂 It works well and I’m seriously AMAZED at how much he’s already learned.

I think our biggest hurdle is going to be baby sister. She’s 2 and she’s the baby… so far. And having me homeschool him is making her insanely jealous. She’s being so naughty now, just to get attention. I thought I had all these fabulous ideas to keep her entertained and involved, but they just aren’t cutting it. I try really hard to make it special for her, and to take extra breaks and just play with her (mainly during independent reading or coloring time)… but she’s just jealous and very upset with me not being able to do whatever she wants whenever she wants it. *sigh* I think it will all work out, we just need an adjustment period. I think the main thing is that everyone just needs to get comfortable, establish a rhythm, and know what to expect.

On the TTC/infertility front… I have NO CLUE what’s going on with my body anymore. None. I’ve been BBT charting faithfully for years, and while my charts have never looked “normal” they have their own sort of logic to them. But not anymore.

So for about 2 months I’ve had near constant nausea and fatigue. And my bbs are quite tender, but not DYING tender. More like painful twinges in the ducts, it reminds me of having a clogged milk duct, but not quite so painful. I’ve had lots of ewcm, for way too long. And my temps are just plain crazy. Normally I have 3 ranges of temps during a cycle. Before ovulation I’m really low. At ovulation I have about 3 days of mid range temps. And after ovulation I get really high temps for about 10 days. Then if I’m pregnant they stay nice and high, and if I’m not pregnant then they drop all the way down to the low pre-ovulation range. 

Most of my life is spent in the really ultra-low pre-ovulation range… because I ovulate only like every 3 months if I’m lucky. And with thyroid issues, my temps are crazy low all the time.

Well for the last 2 months, they’ve just stayed at the mid-range… the range that is usually only there for 2 or 3 days. They aren’t budging. Um, am I still prepping to maybe ovulate? LOL.

I could barely sit up at church on Sunday, I was so nauseated and weak feeling. And just last week I was walking down the stairs and had such a dizzy spell that I actually kind of fell/jumped down the last few stairs and smacked into the door and have quite a bruise to show for it.  Also, I had a “period” about 2 1/2 weeks ago, but it was 2 days of light spotting, 1 day of bleeding, and 3 days of light spotting again… that is NOT normal for me, I’m usually a good 5-7 days of heavy bleeding. So was it spotting, like I almost always get during pregnancy? I mean I bled WAY more than that when I was first pregnant with baby girl. Something about my cervix liking to bleed all the time. My temps didn’t even drop during bleeding. Or was it just some fun trick that my body wants to play… not really a period, not really a pregnancy, just something new, fun, and delightful. Mid-cycle bleeding? LOL. Who freaking knows!!!

But nothing big. Nothing substantial. Nothing that would make me say “YES! This is it!” More like just stuff that makes me wonder what’s going on. Makes me crazy not knowing and not being “normal” enough to have ANYONE know what’s going on either.

And quite honestly, I’m too scared to take a test. They’re always negative anyway. I’m never really pregnant, my body just likes to act like it is all the time.  And if it were to be positive, with these temperatures I’d very likely miscarry again. And really I’d just rather not know at all if that’s going to happen.  Just let me pretend that it’s a bad period, okay?

I do feel like there are “more” children. I even feel like it won’t be “too long.” But exactly what that means, I have no idea. I’m 37 so time is almost up, especially with my medical history. But there you are. One day I’ll have more children… hopefully.  If not, I’ll just be grateful for the two amazing miracle angels that are mine.

Please understand that I won’t be taking a test for at least 2 weeks.  I just need to stay sane a bit. More I’m just venting out loud.

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2 thoughts on “Updates

  1. Glad the first week of school went so well! Of course it will be an adjustment, but it sounds like you guys are off to a great start. Once it becomes routine, hopefully the jealousy won’t be so bad! And so sorry about the TTC madness- ugh. I truly hope you get your “more” babies!

  2. Glad your first week of homeschooling went well. You are a trooper doing this with a toddler around. As for the cycles, maddening. The other day I noticed that when ever I go to the rest room I wipe and look even when I don’t need to. Infertility/sub fertility makes us act crazy. Yes for not testing. I hate pregnancy sticks, they are more harmful than useful. Hope the two weeks pass fast.

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