Okay, I feel bad because I really only get on here to complain about things that I can’t really vent about in real life. But there it is. First of all, I’m not pregnant. AF in full swing over here.
So first the good. I went to a homeschool teacher conference this week and it was amazing!!! Words can not describe how spiritual, inspiring, and informative it was. I left every day feeling inspired, overwhelmed, and humbled… and usually crying those happy full of love type tears. It was awesome.
And of course, when you’re about to make a big change that is really good, you know that there will be opposition. Something will happen to try and keep you from your newly discovered passion and ambition. And that should only testify to you that what you’re about to do is really right, and is really worth it.
So here’s my list of opposition from the last week or so. A surprise root canal and abscess… waiting on the crown. My chipped tooth that was fixed, just chipped again and he wants to do another crown instead of trying to fix the chip again. (2 crowns and a root canal = $$$). Big dip in my health the past few days… I’m sure I’ll rebound and it’s all part of having an autoimmune disease, but I could seriously spend the next week in bed and be so much better off for it. My kids however, would not appreciate that one bit. I’m mom, so I’ll suck it up and just try to push through. So there was the big water leak a couple weeks ago and we had to fix it and dig up half the front yard to move pipe, then lay sod again, in 105 degree heat. And just last night we had a totally different leak, shooting water everywhere under the house. Hubby shuts it off and it shuts off ALL water to every bathroom. No showers, no flushing toilets, no sinks. There is 1 sink that works in our house now, in my kitchen… and it doesn’t get hot water. No hot water to the whole house. Period. Oh and that includes the swamp cooler, our only source of cool air, it won’t work without the water line that goes to it, which is also affected by this new leak. And we just spent all our contingency for the house on the last leak and pipe problem. And we have no extra currently because of the seminar fees and dental bills. Dental bills having not been paid for entirely either at this point. So hubby is going to come home early today and try to fix it enough to buy us some time. Just we can’t do all of this on one or two paychecks. If we can buy some time, and eat only mac and cheese for a few weeks, then we might be able to swing it. Oh and the fridge is starting to not work periodically, so I think it’s on the way out as well. And I still have to buy all the homeschool curriculum and supplies. AND I am out of chocolate and on the rag. Okay, there’s my vent.
But look at all of those witnesses. Every single obstacle and opposing force is testifying to me that I’m doing the right thing, and focusing me to not get distracted. Put your head down and plow through. Trying really hard to remember this lesson… When you teach someone a subject, the curriculum is just a tool to gain the knowledge that they need. Don’t focus on the tool, focus on the goal… and in the same way, this life is just God’s tool and I am the clay. When He is done molding me, the tools will fall away and the scales will fall from our eyes… all that will matter is what I have become, what He has made me into. The tools don’t matter. I need to stop focusing on getting “through” the “tools” and start focusing on the goal of becoming who and what I’m supposed to be. Fulfilling my life’s mission. When this life and this world fall away, we will be so surprised at the reality we see and which things really mattered in the long run. The trick in this life is to try and remember that this life is only a tool, we are the project.
So even though I am incredibly stressed about it right this minute, and even quite discouraged… if I can focus on my earthly “education” and progression, instead of the obstacles, I can find peace and accomplish my mission. Just keep going. It will work out. Just keep moving. Don’t put God, or yourself, in a box. All things are possible… IF you can endure.