My birthday was yesterday. I’m now 37. It was a wonderful day! So many good things! But through it all, I was just plain sad. I wouldn’t mind growing older if I didn’t struggle with infertility. But every year that passes without a baby, is another nail in the coffin of my dreams of having more children. *sigh* I even passed by the hospital where I gave birth to my baby girl, and I couldn’t help but stare longingly into the windows where I knew at that moment *someone* would be in labor, and just ache inside that it wasn’t me. I know there’s “still time” and that “stranger things have happened”… but it doesn’t change the fact that my biological clock is no longer ticking… at this point it’s sort of a clang and a sproing as things break and fall apart. And I can’t help but wonder, will it ever happen for me again?
But it was a wonderful day! Exactly what I’d want to do… which will probably sound lame and boring to everyone else. We had a family fun day! Hubby stayed home from work and we kept Simon home from kindergarten, and we just played and did whatever we… er, whatever I wanted. 🙂 Starting with a family breakfast at IHOP and then a couple hours of walking around the local nursery and buying lots of herb starts and even a thing of “little purple pansies” for my kids who LOVE that song and HAD TO have some to plant in our yard. It was so cute!
Then we came home to give our almost 2 year old a much needed nap, and then I went out again with Simon (while daddy stayed home with the sleeping baby), to go to another nursery/plant store. Came back and made a quick dinner for my kids and the soon to be babysitter (aka my mom) then got ready and went out to dinner with just my hubby at a fabulous little Mexican restaurant we just found. And then of course, to another gardening store to get a couple more things that I hadn’t found elsewhere. 🙂 And home to eat some super chocolatey chocolate cake! Mmmm.
Really, it couldn’t have been any better. It was perfect. I loved every second, soaking up all the love and joy that is my family. The only thing that could’ve made it better would have been a BFP. *sigh*
And this morning, Simon woke up at 6:30 too excited to sleep any longer, because he wanted to plant the little purple pansies. Hahaha. I love that he is starting to love the things that I love. (wow, that’s a lot of love!) So I got up and took the baby monitor outside with us. We planted the pansies and all the herbs… 2 sweet basil, greek oregano, sweet marjoram, English thyme, cilantro, French tarragon, dill, winter savory, fennel, arp rosemary, and parsley. And in 2 different containers I have both peppermint and chocolate mint! Mmmm. Of course, mint has to be done in a container or it will take over the entire herb garden. LOL. But I love looking out there at the fresh ground full of wonderful herbs!
And this weekend is when we will put in the rest of our vegetable garden!!! So excited! I hope we can get it all done, it’s a lot of work! But I already have 15 tomato plants out there getting big and happy. *sigh* I love to garden. I love to see things grow and then eat what I grow. It just feels wholesome and peaceful.
Anyway, that was my birthday. Mainly good… ALL good. It was a wonderful day, and I am so grateful to have the love and support around me that made it all possible.