Okay, I’m only 3dpo… but for some reason, I just really think this is it. Also for some reason, I just think it will be a boy. Am I losing it people?
I’ve been in a really good place lately. Very much “Thy will be done” type of place. I’m doing my part and just leaving it entirely in His hands. So, while my previous cycles recently have been a bit disappointing, I have also felt very peaceful about it. So why the sudden change?
Maybe it’s because in my “daydreams” of what would be “perfect timing”… this was what I thought would be very best… to be due around Thanksgiving so that I could get all my canning done first. LOL. Not that I would EVER put off TTC for something so trivial, but it would still be very convenient. But let’s be honest, when do our lives work out exactly how we plan them?
Maybe it’s because my 5 year old has started praying for “mommy to have a baby, and let it be a boy so he will play with me.” Which touches my heart deeply, and also makes me a little sad. And he has just started talking about it as a fact, talk about faith… “Mom when you have my brother…” “How long until my brother comes out of your belly?” Things along those lines. Am I feeling it because I want to believe in his faith so badly… I’ve always believed that little children have a special connection with heaven… Or is it because I just don’t want to see him disappointed or hurt?
Or is it because my ff chart looks AMAZING. Which for me, is nothing short of a miracle. Seriously, my hormones are like crazy crazy psychotic nutburgers. And the last couple of months, my temps have been staying high well into my periods… which has caused a certain amount of excitement and disappointment… until dr. G.oo.gle declared it to be the result of “high progesterone.” Which made me all excited because I always have LOW progesterone, and therefore am at risk for the big M word. So I took it as a blessing, that my progesterone levels are finally up where they “should” be. And this month… I ovulated, (and we timed BD perfectly!!!) and my temp rose by about .3 degrees 1dpo, and by another.2 on 2dpo, and by another .15 by this morning….. if it keeps going, I’ll soon be in “fever” territory. And I’m NEVER this “hot.” So I think it’s a good sign…
I am trying to keep myself from going over the edge… I know the chances for me are astronomical… but it may have already happened. Even while trying to plan out menus for next week, I decided I needed to get a big bag of potatoes, because baked potatoes are just about the ONLY thing I can keep down at all during morning sickness. *sigh* Also, going to scrub my toilets repeatedly just in case… never want to be behind on your bathroom cleaning when the pukies start. Ew.
So yeah, I think I’m over the edge. I’ve lost it again. I hope reality doesn’t come crashing down around my shoulders in two weeks. Tick tock tick tock… here comes the two week wait… if my seeds would EVER get here, I could at least distract myself from this obsession with another obsession…